17.04.2010 - 30.04.2010 23 °C
So... the initial entry was a little desolate and sad.. luckily enough it remained only as a draft because since April 17th to date, things have changed for the better. I think I finally realized where I am and how lucky I am to be here. I have compromised a lot to make this big change in my life and move to another continent, on the other side of the world, in another hemisphere and ridiculous time zones away. But I did. I knew I could and I believed I would.
So, I have decided to stay in Buenos Aires a little longer thanks to the friends I have made here and the interesting encounters and understandings life and destiny have brought my way. LAN has seen way too much of me but has no complaints thanks to my penalty charges! But who cares really when.. I Am Here!! During the last two weeks, I´ve had some of the most interesting conversations I have ever had in my life with people I dont even really know. I now live in a great apartment in Palermo with the first room mate of my life and I am really enjoying it. Living like a Portena, food shopping, laundry, the whole package. Things I have never done before. It feels great. And although my travels have somewhat stopped geographically, I have not ceased discovering more each day, in the little things around me.
Last weekend, I joined a group of friends to La Martina (http://www.lamartinapolo.com.ar), a polo country home belonging to the family of world champ Adolfito Cambiaso. It was amazing! We were all gallopping on a breed of gorgeous horses, strong and poised, against the backdrop of sheer lush grass and forest. It was only about 60km from BsAs but far enough to feel very far away and disconnected from everything. A party of 7 in super intimate surroundings, we enjoyed a great asado and rode the horses for 4 or 5 hours! I`ll admit, these arent little farm horses, these are real polo horses so I was a bit freaked out, especially being after lunch and a superb bottle of Mendozan wine. But I´m in the land of chance and risk so why not. It was definitely one of the most beautiful experiences in my life. The feeling of riding fast on a horse in an open field, feeling the speed of the horse and trusting in the mind of this incredible creature is absolutely priceless. Unfortunately, and despite vaccinations I took before coming here, I got bitten 8 times on one hand and landed in the hospital because of an infection! It was a medication filled week that I managed to shake off with the help of wine and caipihirinias. Not a smart move, but Í`m in Buenos Aires and I am okay!
The passed week also brought a pleasant surprise. Lunch with the man that has no idea the my heart is a melted bowl of dulce when he is around. 6 weeks after being here. It was a very nice afternoon, talking about everything but, but at least talking and communicating. It felt nice and was something I had really missed, being here and all and not having had the chance to call or contact, in the city where I last fell in love. Really though, I made the choice not to. For obvious reasons. I have no doubt that I still have feelings for this person even thought it`s a mission impossible at this moment in time, knowing there´s a fear of acting on something for whatever reasons they may respectively be and not daring to face it. I know I can`t change that even though I wish I could but I dont regret one moment, because having fallen in love is an amazing thing and a real gift. Still, many things in life are about timing, and the world is a big, open place with so many possibilities and good things happen when we let the universe do its work.
So when I recall all of the coincidences I have with this specific individual and even those that stilll arise today and leave me speechless, I just look up to the sky and say ¨To me, its all destiny but I really dont know what to think anymore but I trust you so please, do whatever it is you have to do because I am just powerless at this point and I give in. Take me where I have to go¨. Timing is everything and maybe now is not the time.
So for now, as I am here, living my life, enjoying my afternoon teas, scouring for interesting books, swaying my head to the sound of sweet melodies at Thelonious and various good bars, and meeting more victims of Argentine men who stole their hearts and sanities as well. I am absorbing it all, letting it all be and just going with the flow. It`s all good and I am here. And its enough for me for now. Its amazing as it is. Whoever wants to be in my life will and vice versa. So I will be here until it will be time to move on. With or without the things I hope to achieve. And I´ll know because I`m learning to listen from the inside and live it like it is.
The other day, I sat at cafe Mott in Palermo Soho and a childhood memory came back: when I was in 6th grade, all the kids, including myself, were applying to a top notch school for the gifted and talented. My teacher at the time told my mom that she didnt think I was good enough, that I might not make it in. I went anyway. And when I got the pink letter in the mail, my mother, who to date is my biggest fan, screamed and cried with victory as if she herself just got accepted to the school. She bragged about it to all her friends, all the parents and in my teacher´s face. I will never forget it. I was a bit embarassed at the time because I didnt know how to handle it. I wanted to be special but I didnt know if I really was. And had I actually proven that I finally was worth it, that I was good enough? Why did it hit me? I realized how much my mother believes in me and my abilities. And if I wont believe, who will? So I have made the conscious choice not to return to my job just to prove I am worth it, because in essence, its not worth it. I dont have to prove that any longer because I realize, being so far from anything close to a routine, that anything is possible and its all a choice. And something else will always come along, doors open and close all the time. But you always stay with yourself so I´d better be damn comfortable!
Its time to learn some Spanish for real now. I´m going to enroll at LV Studio next week, a 10 minute walk from my newfound home and a chance to up the challenge a little more. I knew 2010 would be about something incredible. Not easy, but incredible.
Manana? A baseball game in Tigre. What`s better than a bunch of hot Argentine guys running around in tight uniforms on the field?